34 days and counting!

June 20, 2015

Tomorrow the final payment for our Guatemala mission trip is due. I am beyond blessed to say that our financial goal has been met. How do I even begin to thank everyone who made this happen? God provided us with $4800 dollars. This pays for our trip costs and our passport cost. This $4800 represents 36 households that contributed various dollar amounts. When this all started, I really didn't think it would happen. If you have been following my posts at all, you would know that I had doubt around every turn. Each time the doubt would set in, I was reminded how God provided before and he would provide again. 

I still am in awe that God has brought us this far...why us? We have done nothing to earn special favor from God. Actually I fail him and my kids most days, so why us? Why would he take me, this broken, depressed, overweight mom, that struggles to make ends meet, who has no self confidence, who is lost most of the time, why would he allow me to go? Seriously!!!???? Most days my kids don't listen to me and I am too emotional, and on and on. But you see, when I look at me, I see myself through the eyes of betrayal, hurt and rejection. I see myself through the eyes of this world. (calm down...I'm working on that.) When the God of the universe looks at me, he sees his precious daughter. He sees me as a new creation. (II Corinthians 5:17) He sees that I radiate like a light on a hill. (Matthew 5:15) I shine like stars in the night. (Philippians 2:15) I am the salt of the earth. (Matthew 5:13) He has given me joy. (Psalms 97:11) I was created for good works. (Ephesians 2:10) I come from a lineage of royalty. (I Peter 2:9) I have been called. (Hebrews 3:1) I am victorious! (Romans 8:37) GOD chose ME to bear good fruit!!! (John 15:16)

Let’s face it, I am a work in progress, but I am starting to realize that in this place of brokenness, I am able to be molded into what God wants me to be. You see on my own, I will fail, so I am at the point in my life that I know full well, that I can’t do ANYTHING without Christ.

I am nervous about Guatemala. The kids will be on a plane, a boat and a mission trip for the first time. All he what if’s have had a field day in my head. Yet, I know, that I know, that I know, that God has called us on this mission trip. That he is about to use us and do in us amazing world changing things! Would you commit to pray for us? Cover us in your prayers? We leave in 34 days and Samuel is having his tonsils taken out this coming Thursday (6/25).

Passports - Check!

I wrote this on April 6th. I thought I oublished it, but I guess not. It's a little late, but still relavant!

Our passports arrived today! Such an amazing feeling to open the mailbox and know exactly what is in that stack before I even took them out! One steps closer! We still have a way to go financially, but I know that God will provide. It's happening! I love listening to the kids pray for God to provide, and I love the gentle reminders (when I freak out) that God is in control.

I find myself thinking back to my last mission trip. Things were so different. It was Russia in 2001. I was single, and John Hughes was like a father to me. I can remember feeling unsettle while we walked through Red Square, and I just stayed close to John. I had the best rommie ever! Penny Orth...I never would have guessed back then that her daughters would play such an intricate part of my life. Life is so amazing...God is so amazing.

I struggle with depression. It is really hard for me to find joy, in anything. Wow...that's a big statement, but so true. I hate struggling with depression, I pray against it in my kids. I have watched others have joy in the Lord. I have questioned my salvation. "If I'm really saved, what don't  I experience the joy of the Lord?"  So with the depression, there are times that I need reminded. Reminded that I am an amazing daughter, friend, mother, employee, etc. It's not that I am looking for attention, it's just that I need reassurance.

It's that way with me and God sometimes too. I know all of the things He has done for me over the years, and I believe in Him with all of my  heart. But sometimes, I need reminded of His grace, His goodness, that He is gentle and kind.

When I received the third confirmation that we were suppose to step out in faith for God's provision for this trip, there are people that thought I was crazy. I know they did. I told one of my friends, I know you don't believe that God will do this, but when He does, it will prove to you that He can and will! I am excited to watch God make the impossible, possible. I am excited to teach my children about faith. I am looking forward to everything that God has in store for each of us on this journey.

What??? A Mustard Seed????

Goal #1 was $600 and if was met in 7 days. Actually in 7 days, we raised $1120! Goal #2 is $1800 we have raised $545 of that to date. 13 days to raise $1225. I know God can do it, I have faith that this is what  He has called us to do at this time. 

Do I get nervous? I would be lying if I said no. I'm human...although I want to stand on my faith especially in this circumstance, it's hard not to look at the natural and think...what am I doing? This is the definition of insanity. It makes me think about Hebrews 11. Hebrews 11 has been called the hall of faith. It is filled with people who had faith, incredible faith. Have you read Hebrews 11 lately? Have you read it in different translations? I challenge you to do so!

This is Hebrews 11 from The Message 
Faith in What We Don’t See
11 ^1-2 The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. ³ By faith, we see the world called into existence by God’s word, what we see created by what we don’t see. ⁴ By an act of faith, Abel brought a better sacrifice to God than Cain. It was what he believed, not what he brought, that made the difference. That’s what God noticed and approved as righteous. After all these centuries, that belief continues to catch our notice. ^5-6 By an act of faith, Enoch skipped death completely. “They looked all over and couldn’t find him because God had taken him.” We know on the basis of reliable testimony that before he was taken “he pleased God.” It’s impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him. ⁷ By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn’t see, and acted on what he was told. The result? His family was saved. His act of faith drew a sharp line between the evil of the unbelieving world and the rightness of the believing world. As a result, Noah became intimate with God. ^8-10 By an act of faith, Abraham said yes to God’s call to travel to an unknown place that would become his home. When he left he had no idea where he was going. By an act of faith he lived in the country promised him, lived as a stranger camping in tents. Isaac and Jacob did the same, living under the same promise. Abraham did it by keeping his eye on an unseen city with real, eternal foundations—the City designed and built by God. ^11-12 By faith, barren Sarah was able to become pregnant, old woman as she was at the time, because she believed the One who made a promise would do what he said. That’s how it happened that from one man’s dead and shriveled loins there are now people numbering into the millions. ^13-16 Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them. ^17-19 By faith, Abraham, at the time of testing, offered Isaac back to God. Acting in faith, he was as ready to return the promised son, his only son, as he had been to receive him—and this after he had already been told, “Your descendants shall come from Isaac.” Abraham figured that if God wanted to, he could raise the dead. In a sense, that’s what happened when he received Isaac back, alive from off the altar. ²⁰ By an act of faith, Isaac reached into the future as he blessed Jacob and Esau. ²¹ By an act of faith, Jacob on his deathbed blessed each of Joseph’s sons in turn, blessing them with God’s blessing, not his own—as he bowed worshipfully upon his staff. ²² By an act of faith, Joseph, while dying, prophesied the exodus of Israel, and made arrangements for his own burial. ²³ By an act of faith, Moses’ parents hid him away for three months after his birth. They saw the child’s beauty, and they braved the king’s decree. ^24-28 By faith, Moses, when grown, refused the privileges of the Egyptian royal house. He chose a hard life with God’s people rather than an opportunistic soft life of sin with the oppressors. He valued suffering in the Messiah’s camp far greater than Egyptian wealth because he was looking ahead, anticipating the payoff. By an act of faith, he turned his heel on Egypt, indifferent to the king’s blind rage. He had his eye on the One no eye can see, and kept right on going. By an act of faith, he kept the Passover Feast and sprinkled Passover blood on each house so that the destroyer of the firstborn wouldn’t touch them. ²⁹ By an act of faith, Israel walked through the Red Sea on dry ground. The Egyptians tried it and drowned. ³⁰ By faith, the Israelites marched around the walls of Jericho for seven days, and the walls fell flat. ³¹ By an act of faith, Rahab, the Jericho harlot, welcomed the spies and escaped the destruction that came on those who refused to trust God. ^32-38 I could go on and on, but I’ve run out of time. There are so many more—Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, the prophets. . . . Through acts of faith, they toppled kingdoms, made justice work, took the promises for themselves. They were protected from lions, fires, and sword thrusts, turned disadvantage to advantage, won battles, routed alien armies. Women received their loved ones back from the dead. There were those who, under torture, refused to give in and go free, preferring something better: resurrection. Others braved abuse and whips, and, yes, chains and dungeons. We have stories of those who were stoned, sawed in two, murdered in cold blood; stories of vagrants wandering the earth in animal skins, homeless, friendless, powerless—the world didn’t deserve them!—making their way as best they could on the cruel edges of the world. ^39-40 Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours. 

Did you read it?

BY FAITH....BY FAITH....BY FAITH!! 

God doesn't ask us to have superman sized faith, but in Matthew 17:20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Did you read that? Faith the size of a mustard seed! Have you seen a mustard seed? Google it! It is so tiny! That's all the faith you need to muster up, and He can do the rest! He just wants you to trust Him, to believe His word. Do I wake up everyday filled with faith? Ah, no! But I start talking to God, thinking about little and big thing that I have seen Him do, and my faith gets stronger. I realize my faith should be giant size by now (I am so thankful that He has mercy on me, and my humaness.) Because most days it's not. That's okay though, because He's teaching me, He is still working on me.

What is something that you're afraid to trust God for?

For me, it was Guatemala. I argued and argued that I don't have the money. But time after time, I was gently reminded that I am the daughter of the one true King! That he alone provides for my needs and He provides for the desires He places in my heart. What a great thing it is to walk this walk with my children. They are well aware of how much money we need to raise and every night, they ask for God's provision. 

But what about you? What's your Guatemala? Can I pray for you?Do you have a relationship with Christ? Let me tell you about Him sometime and the time after time that He has showed up exactly when I needed Him. Come sit with me in church and receive His word. Are you part of a home group, a connect group? What ever your church calls them, you need community! I have formed the most amazing friendships through community. Do you have people in your life that you're doing life with? Someone that encourages you? Friend, this life was not meant to walk alone! Text me, call me, email me...I'll be there for you. I will pray for you! And sometimes, when you are having trouble finding the faith you need for yourself, allow others to have the faith for you!!

Whoever is reading this, where ever you are, I pray that the peace of God fill you right now! 
Until Next Time....Dee

Out of the Mouths of Babes (this is a long one)

Every story has to have a beginning. So where do I start? God has really been doing a ton of work in my life. To bring me to this point, the point where I believe whole hearted that He is telling me to take my children on a mission trip in 144 days, I never saw this coming. 

I've always had a heart for missions. In high school I attended a summer mission trip and it was an amazing experience. I still remember it so vividly all these years later. Then I remember in my early twenties, a missionary came to First Assembly in Findlay on a Sunday night and spoke to us about his mission work in Russia. He spoke about the orphanages he worked with, and I knew right then and there, that I would go to Russia. In the spring of 2001, I went to Russia with about twenty others from my church in Westerville. That trip, was all God. He provided every penny I needed to go. It was a hard trip, but one I will never forget.

After I had kids, there was no way I could go on a missions trip and leave them. Both kids attend preschool and kindergarten at the church we attended. Sarah's first year of preschool, Sandy Shuman the Spanish teacher brought in and showed the kids her pictures from the mission trip she went on to Guatemala. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I picked Sarah up from school that day and on the way home, she told me we were going to Guatemala and like a good mom, I said "okay honey".

Our church at that time, Northside does an annual trip to Guatemala. Every year Sarah would ask if we could go yet. In Kindergarten (I think) I asked about me going and taking her and was advised that I should wait until she was older. She was more than disappointed.  

In 2013, we started attending One Church. I started listening to the messages online months before we started attending. I loved the teachings!!! They spoke to my heart! God began a great work in me that is still in progress. The kids and I began a journey of healing and discovering what boundaries are. I could see God working so much through our lives! Every time I hear of a mission trip, or listened to a missionary speak, my heart stirred! 

One particular Sunday Gavin Dozier came and spoke to the church. He is a missionary in Guatemala. I loved listening to what he was doing there. I think it might have been his second time that he came to the church to speak, and he told us about the families that he ministers to. Many of them use candles for light. I was so overwhelmed by his story that I took all of the cash I had, which was amazing in itself, I never carry cash, but I had close to fifty dollars that day. I donated all of it to buy more candles. I have thought of that story many times. 

So here we are 2015 and the church announces that this year the mission trip will be in the summer instead of November. That they will be going to Guatemala. My heart felt like it was leaping! A stirring began in me. The day of the first meeting, I looked over the papers that were our for the trip and through, there is just no way I can make this happen. I don't have that kind of money. I heard that a family that we are very close with was going, and I started to think about how much safer I would feel with them, that our children being the same ages would be able to experience their first mission trip together. I started thinking about our sons...I believe that God has big plans for them as friends. I can see them encouraging each other with the word of God (thanks to JBQ, thanks Judith for not letting us quit). But there is no way I can financially do a mission trip for three of us to Guatemala, it's not possible!!!

Pastor Greg was doing a series called Make it count. One week he talked about GO! (you can catch the pod cast at one.church) The entire service, as I listened all I could think about was that the kids and I are supposed to GO to Guatemala!!! But Lord, we can't! 

Later that day a brother said to me, (my paraphrase) don't you know how BIG God is? Don't you realize, He can make it happen!! He can provide. I sort of laughed it off, but those world clung to me all week! I couldn't stop thinking about God...about if it was really possible. The following Sunday was the next meeting for the trip. The deposit of $200 per person was due that day. God was still stirring me, but my doubt had the best of me. 

All through the service that morning, I still was being stirred. The message that morning was that compared to the greatness of God, our problems are small. Stop telling God how big your problems are and start telling your problems how Big your God is. Well, this struck a nerve. The money we need for this trip is nothing in comparison to the greatness of God! After the service our friend encouraged me to attend the meeting or to at least ask if the kids and I still would be able to go or not. I couldn't. He gave me wonderful words of wisdom and experience of how God will provide. 

Driving after church, the kids and I were listening to the radio, Christian music, we were all worshipping. I looked in the rear view mirror and Sarah's eyes were closed and her hands were lifted in worship. Samuel was just singing. I thought, "this is what life is about!!" I started thinking about how blessed we are, how God has always, I mean ALWAYS taken care of us. I felt as though we should start with our passports. 

We arrived at my friends house to drop lunch off to them. I was standing in her kitchen telling her about the trip and how I felt this stirring. I told her about the messages the Pastor preached and the messages from the brothers. She looked at me and said, "why not just start with your passports?" At that moment, my eyes filled with tears and I said, "Okay God....I hear you!!!" By the end of that night, we were going to Guatemala and already had our first sponsor for $50.oo!!! The last six days have been filled with prayer and listening, waiting and doing what I feel HE is leading me to do. Writing a support letter, creating an event on Facebook, creating a Go Fund Me campaign. The money is coming in, the sponsors are rising up. 

I received the most life giving confirming email just yesterday...

Hi Denise,
It's______. I am soooo excited that you and your family are going to Guatemala! Your family is often on my heart mind and while in Guatemala I kept thinking how amazing this would be for you and your family! God will definitely provide for you, I just know it. For it to been on your heart, Sarah's heart, my heart and who knows who else's heart for you to go this is definitely God's will!!! Please keep me posted on your prep for the trip!!

This email was just another conifrmation that we are headed in the right direction! $4845 is a ton of money to come up with. $600 was due last Sunday. Our next deadline is 3/22 and that amount is $1800. I am confident that God will make it happen, I don't know how, but I get a front row seat of watching it all unfold, thanking Him daily, and standing in awe of who He is!!!

Thanks for coming on this journey with us!!! Hang on, it's going to be an amazing ride!!!!